Template:Courier-OCT-25-12,13
DETERMINED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
The Courier asked Graham Dear about the charity he created in memory of his daughter Grace, who died aged 27
Graham Dear is a man torn in two one half is the electrician who lives in Telegraph Lane, Claygate, outwardly cheerful among his friends; the other is the heartbroken fundraiser and campaigner, doing all he can to provide a lifeline to young people suffering from serious mental health problems.
He set up the Grace Dear Trust after his 27-year-old daughter took her own life in February 2017, following 14 years of battling "an illness nobody could see". Graham is open about Grace's story: "It all started when she began suffering and self-harming from the age of 13. And we never picked it up. As a family, we never really understood what was happening.
"Most of the time Grace would have this wonderful smile, and she had a such a loud wicked laugh. She would lighten up any place she entered, Grace could solve her friends' issues most of the time, but sadly she could never find the means to solve her own issue.
"So when we lost Grace, we decided we wanted to try and help as many families with young teenagers so that they didn't have to go through what we went through. I've said this so many times and I have heard others describe the pain it never really stops, it's like a ripple effect that goes on and on and affects so many people. It's not like any loss you can imagine."
Graham, who was guest speaker at this year's annual Parish Meeting, run by Claygate Parish Council, said the Trust was now raising about £100,000 a year from events and donations: "We have now officially spent over half a million pounds-6550,000 on mental health within schools and on young people."
The Trust has built relationships with several local secondary schools-and more recently primary schools and pays for the provision of counsellors in those schools, for mental health training, and for the creation of facilities such as outdoor gyms and quiet spaces, that benefit the whole school.
It is now planning to build its own drop in wellness centre: "We're looking to build an actual room from scratch, to be used by the children of the school Monday to Friday. And then on Saturday and Sunday it'll be used as a call-in centre for adults in the Guildford area. That's going to cost in the region of £150,000 to €200,000. So it's a big thing. But it's a legacy I want to create for Grace. And the benefits you're getting, you can't really calculate"
Graham said it took a long time for his message about mental health to understood by local schools: "When we started, we had a budget of abe £50,000 from fundraising — and in the first 18 months, it was really difficult to get rid of that money. It was hard for the schools to understand what were doing and why. But slowly and surely, they started to come ro realise that we're a proper orgamisation and we're here to help them." He said all money raised and given out has to be spent on mental health-related wellbeing for the good of the children or on advising and helping teachers.
Sports clubs were then approached, with coaches thing offered mental health first aid training. Graham said youngsters can learn to talk about what they're feeling at a really early stage and you can identify that, then you've got a lot more chance of resolving the issue. Then the issue isn't going further into the teens and 20s, when it becomes so much harder to help."
Graham is careful to insist that Grace did not commit suicide. He says the word "commit" goes back to a time when suicide was illegal and has negative connotations that prevent youngsters speaking out: "If we could all stop using that word then more people would open up and tell others how they are feeling. My Gracie chose to take her own life. It wasn't a selfish act. It was an act of bravery because she just didn't want to live this life any more. She didn't want to be a... She thought she was a burden on us.
"My wife and I I used to go out and we never knew what we were going to come back to. We were always worried. But Grace didn't want us, as we got older, to live that type of life. She wanted us to enjoy life. But I'd rather be coming home worrying about her than be where we are now."
He said the family had no tools to deal with the situation: "If only we'd been able to say over and over tomorrow's another day, then Grace might still be here. But you get beyond a certain point where it's very difficult to get them back. We missed the signs. That's how easy it is for someone to take their life. It's in that moment that they're full of despair and full of.....It's hard to comprehend because you've probably never been there. I've never been there I've never been in that situation where you just think there's nothing more to do. "Grace's passing affected me and my family irreparably
